by John M. Gottman & Nan Silver · 1999
The most-researched couples-therapy framework, in the general-reader version.
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John Gottman has been studying couples in his "love lab" for forty years. Few frameworks in psychology are as research-backed as his predictions about which marriages survive and which don't — and his clinical model for helping struggling couples.
This book is his general-reader version. The "four horsemen" framework (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling) is now part of the cultural vocabulary; the book also covers the bids-for-connection research, the importance of fondness and admiration, and his structured approach to conflict.
For couples who want to work on their relationship without committing to couples therapy yet — or who are in couples therapy and want to deepen the work — this is what we recommend.
A note. This is reading material, not clinical treatment. If you’re working through something difficult, books complement therapy — they don’t replace it. Book a session with our team for personalised support.
More books in relationships & couples.
Sue Johnson
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples, by the modality's founder.
John Gottman & Nan Silver
The standard first recommendation for couples — Gottman's evidence-based relationship model in accessible form.
John Gottman & Nan Silver
Explores trust, betrayal, and repair in relationships through Gottman's research lens.
Sue Johnson
Johnson's scientific account of romantic love and EFT — accessible, well-researched, and deeply humanising.
John Gottman & Joan DeClaire
Gottman's model of bids for connection — applicable to couples, families, and workplace relationships.
Gary Chapman
The most widely read couples book globally — awareness of its framework is essential for clinical practice.
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