by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey · 2021
Reframes trauma through "what happened to you?" rather than "what's wrong with you?"
Best for: Adults beginning to make sense of childhood experiences, and parents wanting to think differently about a child's behaviour.
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Bruce Perry is one of the most-cited child-trauma neuroscientists in the world. This book is a long conversation between him and Oprah Winfrey, structured around the simple reframe in the title: instead of asking "what's wrong with you?" — ask "what happened to you?"
It's conversational, accessible, and we often hand it to parents who are struggling to understand a child's behaviour — particularly children who have been through hard things and are responding in ways that look "difficult" but are actually adaptive. Perry's chapters on the developing brain and on how trauma rewires stress responses are the clearest explanation we've seen for a general audience.
For adults working through their own childhood, it's also genuinely de-shaming. Behaviour starts to make sense.
A note. This is reading material, not clinical treatment. If you’re working through something difficult, books complement therapy — they don’t replace it. Book a session with our team for personalised support.
More books in trauma, emdr & ptsd.
Bessel van der Kolk
The most-recommended book on trauma in modern psychology.
Francine Shapiro
EMDR explained by its founder, for general readers.
Gabor Maté
Gabor Maté on how Western culture itself shapes trauma, addiction, and chronic illness.
Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
The most-recommended parenting book in evidence-based child psychology.
Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
Companion to Whole-Brain Child — how to discipline without breaking connection.
Peter A. Levine
Introduces Somatic Experiencing and the biology of trauma responses; accessible and widely recommended in EMDR and SE circles.
Our team sees adults, adolescents, and children in person at Bella Vista and via telehealth across NSW. Medicare rebates with a GP Mental Health Care Plan; NDIS self- and plan-managed; private health depending on fund.